IGWEBUIKE

The three major Tribes: Igbo, Hausa, and Yoruba; then the invasion of the Whiteman with his court marshals.

VISION AND MISSION: to portray that Unity is not far-fetched, and possibly a way forward.


MOVT 1 DAY / EXT LOC: HUT
XTERS: IGBO MAN

IGBO MAN: [at wake clears his throat and awakes the dawn with his ogene mkpi abuo. He brings out oji from ngwugwu, a wrapped dried plantain leaves; and nzu white chalk which he keeps in the okwa nzu. He makes his customary insignia on the floor and prays with the kolanut.] Olisa bi n’Igwe, ekele! Our fore fathers and all the deities and spirits that fetch us good health and long life, we greet you. Keep us safe from bad people na o bukwanu mmadu ka a na-aya. Save us from all bad spirits and the akaliogoli. Eeem, a sikwa m egbe bere, ugo bere ma nke si ibe ya ebela, nku kwaa ya. Eee, at least, ka o hu ka efewe ebeghi ebe si adi! May many edibles come our way, and as of those that would devour us, may Amadioha strike them confusedly into the evil forest. [He nods his head to the resonance of the oja behind the stage, and continues.] A si m o o, na onye si n’ihe oma adighi ya mma, ka nwunye ya muoro ya ejima udele, ka o lelewe! [With a louder voice and an air of satisfaction, he says, gently hitting his ofo severally on the floor] Iseeee! Ka m goro, ka o ga-ere. So be it! [He breaks the oji and throws the lobes ceremoniously into the okwa oji, and stares at them with a breath of indulgence. He throws one or two some yards away soliloquizing as he beckons to some invisible guests to the morning ritual and feast. A colourful Igba-Eze dance rises from the background, and he springs to it. Like the proverbial Ogbigba who refuses food and sleep because of egwu, he dances to every beat of the royal drum.]


THE INVASION

MOVT 2 DAY / EXT LOC: HUT
XTERS: IGBO MAN, WHITEMAN, THREE COURT MARSHALS
THE IGBO MAN IS STILL DANCING, WHEN SUDDENLY A WHITEMAN APPEARS WITH A WHITE HELMET AND ACCOMPANIED BY THREE COURT MARSHALS IN PAIRS OF KHAKI SHORTS AND RIDICULOUSLY TUCKED IN STARCHED SHIRTS


WHITEMAN: [Looking at him strangely as he dances.] What’s he doing for God’s sake? Arrest the monkey!

IGBO MAN: [About to offer oji and nzu in hospitality when it dawns on him that ‘catch am’ means ‘jide ya!’ He snatches his hands off briskly and prowls to the prompt oja ike - flute of the brave hearted behind the stage.] My name is Obiechina Ahamefuna! [Beats his chest with his left hand, while oja rages in a fierce crescendo.] Oso churu nwa nkita ruo n’ama onye nwe ya, omaghi ata aru, o gbowa uja. It is abominable to come to a man’s house and defecate in his obi. I am Obiechina….


WHITEMAN: [Impatiently] What’s the chattering and jabbering? I said, “arrest him!”

THEY RUSH AT HIM, BUT HE STRIKES THE FIRST ONE DOWN WITH HIS OFO BEFORE THE OTHERS TIE HIM UP. THE DRAPE CLOSES IN AS THEY DRAG HIM AWAY.




MOVT 3 EXT / DAY LOC:
XTERS: YORUBA MAN,

THE STAGE OPENS WITH THE YORUBA DANCING VIGOROUSLY TO BABA ADE’S BAND. HIS VISIBLE TRIBAL MARKS GIVE HIM A SORT OF RIDICULOUS LOOK AS HE OPENS AND CLOSES HIS MOUTH IN AN ATTEMPT TO SING THE TRACK. THE WHITEMAN APPEARS. AMONG HIS ENTOURAGE IS THE IGBOMAN, THOROUGHLY BEATEN AND STRIPPED OF HIS REGALIA.


YORUBA MAN: [In feverish reverence] Orolunke! Aaaaahhh! Olodumare go fight ooo, no bi me; but I go…. [Takes off to escape, but they catch him and tie him up. As they lead the captives away, he curses inaudibly as the curtain closes behind their back.


MOVT 4

THE SCENE CAPTURES A SOLEMN MOSLEM’S MORNING CALL AS THE HAUSA MAN OBSERVES HIS ABLUTION AND PRAYERS. HE SITS ON A MAT, HIS HANDS RUNNING ROUTINELY OVER HIS BEADS WHILE HE BOWS INTERMITTENTLY. HERE ENTERS THE BULGING TRAIN OF WHICH IS CAPTAINED BY THE CHAIN-SMOKER WHITEMAN.


HAUSA MAN: [Excitingly] To madula! Na you I see me for telefishion. Me tofi efiry way efiry way. Me I dey go with me Allah…


WHITE MAN: [Perplexed as he nods at the inaudible interpretation of one of his baton-armed men as to the utterance of the Hausa man]

HAUSA MAN: I wait for me, I go [He rushes to wrap his mat and his kettle]

WHITE MAN: Tie him up!

HAUSA MAN: [Naively shrugs off his hands and signals on his neck] Yoo waaaa. Tofi ngida! You, me I no bi nama, but I carry me I go goo gooo gooooo. No froblem baa kwoni.



MOVT 6

A LONG JOHN BRANDED BICYCLE STANDS BACKING THE ENTRANCE WITH HEAPS OF BULGING BAGS DANGLING ASTRIDE IT. VIRTUALLY, THE WHITEMAN’S DEPARTURE IS AROUND THE CORNER. THE HAUSAMAN SQUATS, THE YORUBA PROSTRATING, WHILE THE IGBOMAN KNEELS SWEATING OVER. BEFORE THEM ARE LAID THE VARIOUS CULTURAL REGALIA STRIPPED FROM THEM.

WHITEMAN: [In opium of superiority complex] The Western behest has been obliged, and in her supreme and superior culture you all have been drilled, inducted and has hereby given your life a meaningful definition. You, who were once cultureless, are now cultured….

HAUSA MAN: [Affirmatively] yawaaa nagwode!


WHITEMAN: [Refers to a court marshal on side comment and nods] Ok. Now you’ll stay here since you’ve been a classless evolutionary vestiges of brutes, I call you Naija. I’ll share your belongings for you to avoid your cannibalistic tendencies. Hey! [Calling on his boys] Pick these trashes up!

COURT MARSHAL: Yes Oga sir!


WHITEMAN: [Signaling with his decisive index finger.] Give that man that one and that one to that one. Na na na, give that one that one, and em….give me that one and put that one in my bag. You know, am just helping out. [Turns around and admires the Igboman’s Ofo interestingly and puts it away into his pocket. Directs as the Hausaman is given the muddled up clothes of the Yoruba, the Yoruba’s goes to the Igbo and the Igbo’s to the comfortable admiration of the Hausaman.] Alright! Oh long live Britain for the birth of a new black baby, and in the name of Western Nations, and on their behalf and interest, i bid you farewell but will make sure that you will continue to rely on me in your domestic, political, and socio-economic issues. Stick to this and make no mistakes about it. You shall share these mirrors, singlets and this bottle of whiskey. [Climbs his bicycle as the ‘cotomas’ push him along. Curtain closes.]




MOVT 7

THE BACKGROUND MUSIC IS RIOTOUS! THE IGBA, BEATS ON LIKE HOOVES OF A MILLION GAZELLES RUNNING FROM A RAVENOUS BEAST. THE OJA THRILLS THE AIR LIKE A BIRD STUNG ON THE BEAK BY AGBALA. THE CURTAIN OPENS LETTING THE AUDIENCE CATCH THE TRIO DANCING TO THE STACCATO. THEY STOP ABRUPTLY….


BERTRAND RUSSELL: [Speaking in a deep heavy voice with the music dead.] Throughout the ages of human development, men have been subject to miseries of two kinds: those imposed by external natures and those inflicted upon others by misguided humans.

MUSIC BEGINS LIGHTLY AND SLOWLY AGAIN


HAUSA MAN: [Adjusting the Igboman’s feathered red cap on his head before a mirror] Yoo waa speaking talking! I don dey like Alhaji Igbiefi. This thing is like standing water, I dey show up for back, I dey show me for front. You see, I don take my own [pointing at the other two], no froblem….

IGBO MAN: [Furiously] No problem bu ka gini mee eh? Comonu give me my Okpu Nze na Ozo m. Anumanu! [Tenaciously holding the Yoruba man’s agbada under his armpit.]

YORUBA MAN: [Makes for the mat, wraps and holds it tightly] Ah, Omo Igbo! Oyibo man don go now, make we take am jee jee settle our matter. Una hear wetin Oga Bertrand Russell don say now?


IGBO MAN: [Interrupting.] Bertirandi a bu onye? E si be ya eje be onye? [Clutching tightly once again on his ‘spoils’ and reaching toward the Hausa man] Bia aboki, if you no go give me my property, Amadioha go strike you dead now now now! [Swearing to the sky with his finger as he makes ready some fistful blows.]


YORUBA MAN: [Mediating and caught between stray blows from the duo] Ah ah ah! Make we settle amicably oooo. Ah, kilode?


HAUSA MAN: [Frightened] Ah shook ke? Allah, Imadioha and Oludumare na brother for one mama. Make we no make them go burial for all of us one by one.


AT THIS, THEY LAY THEIR GAUNTLETS AND MIME A GRADUAL SEEMINGLY RECONCILIATION


MOVT 8

THEY ARE SEEN SITTING IN A CIRCLE. THE IGBOMAN ROLLS OVER A LUMP OF NZU TO THE HAUSA MAN. SMILING FACES SALUTE THE CALM BACKGROUND AS IGBA EZE MUSIC OOZES BREEZE OF ONENESS.


HAUSA MAN: [Looks at what the Igboman drew and then draws some lines in between his own outstretched legs, in a most ridiculous manner] Ikaa, Oyie, Ipo, Iikwoo, Isiieeeee!!!

IGBO MAN: [Starts laughing hilariously as the rest join]

YORUBA MAN: [Reaches for the same nzu so anxiously and begins a sort of calculation.] You see, this new share sells at….

IGBO MAN: [Cuts him short] Leave that money matter alone! I maghi n’ego di n’ogwu? In facti, where is that mmanya oku? How ever we share it, no one struggles over the bottle with me ooo.


HAUSA MAN: [Drinks from the bottle] Kai! Wait for me, i get am for gworo. [Reaches into his pockets and brings out some lobes and offers to them while he cuts his teeth across an unbroken one]


YORUBA MAN: [Releases the mat and spreads it on the ground. As they sit, the Hausa man takes the feathered cap off and places it on the Igbo man’s head, who in turn releases the Yoruba man’s Agbada. ]


HAUSA MAN: Walahi, unity dey sweet pass sugar cane. To!


YORUBA MAN: This is unity in diversity. Is it not? Oooo. Tell me if it is not.

IGBO MAN: [Triumphantly] O yes! Ihe a nke a, o dighi gi egwu? O Chukwu. O yes. Though our tongue, tribe, culture echetara m echetaghi m differ, we can still co-exist as one. Let’s share the money, em….I mean let’s share the National Cake together and proportionately. Egbe! Let’s accommodate one another and build an enviable nation. It is high time we blamed the Whiteman. He is gone and we should stop brooding over spoilt milk. Let us together form this one nation synergy and be of one heart. Ndi be anyi, Igwe bukwanu ike oooo. Majority is strength. Asu m bekee!


AT THIS, A GREEN, WHITE, GREEN FLAG RISES GRADUALLY BEHIND THE STAGE. THE NATIONAL ANTHEM, RINGS THROUGH THE HOLES OF OJA AND IN CONCORDANCE WITH THE ROYAL IGBA EZE. NEVER WAS SUCH THOUGHT POSSIBLE, BUT TODAY! AS THE ANTHEM ENDS, THE CURTAIN CLOSES SLOWLY AS THE DRUMMERS EMERGE TO THE STAGE AND LEADS THEM TO A ‘HAPPY EVER AFTER!’


Ositadimma Amakeze
Lil’Smile Foundation